Mr. Bob Ong's Advice

I was checking my email last Monday and one of the messages was from a good friend. Let just hide him with the name Antonio.
His email was all about the man named Bartolome who ask an advice from Mr. Bob Ong. He wants to know on how to get the sweet yes from the ramp model he is courting now. He met this girl in a party and found himself madly in love to her already. Now, he is crazy on how to make this model to fall in love to him.
"Should I give her a poem? Or should I offer a serenade? Roses? Calachuchi? Chocnut and Sampaguita?" asked Bartolome.

The reply of Mr. Bob Ong was

Dear Bartolome,

Ooops! You will surely get a "NO" answer from her if your style is like that. That's a very old style. Nobody wants to do that now! You know that the price of rice has increased. The gasoline, the fare; almost everything has increased including the standards of the girls. So giving Sampaguita won't work anymore. Come on Bro. in what era were you born?

Don't worry it's not too late! You still have hope as long as she is not getting married and while she is not yet answering yes to her basketball player crush. Though he got more points than you, use your brain and your creativity. Why? It's because it's the only way you can win over her. I will give you simple, tried and tested gifts that won't spoil her stomach. Just follow this and she will surely fall to you. Only, these are more than usual courting gifts.

1. Buy a Century Tuna. Put it in a big box — as big as a TV or box as big as your desktop PC. Wrap it with a very nice wrapper. Coordinate with her Calculus teacher. In the middle of the class, knock the classroom surprisingly. Be sure to wear an LBC jacket, shades and wear surgical mask. As you enter the classroom give the box to her teacher and let her sign the acknowledgement receipt. Let your crush open the box in front of everyone. Observe her face as she see it.

Later in a day, when she ask you why did you give her Century Tuna? Get the can and point the word "Omega 8", then tell her: “because you’re good for my heart.”

2. Collect a dozen of hanger after drying up your clothes. In every hanger you write there: “I miss hanging out with you.”

3. Instead of roses, get a tissue paper in your school. Make it a tissue paper roses. Make a dozen. As you give it to her,tell her: “My love is as clean as this!.”

4. Buy a tetra pack of Minola oil. Then encircle “with Omega 8.” I'm sure she won't ask anymore.

5. Give her an ice cream cone. Remember, just a cone, no ice cream. If she looks for the ice cream, tell her: “It melted while staring at you.”

6. Buy a dozen of crayola and collect all the black. Put it in a box of crayola. Write behind it: “My life has no color without you.”

7. Buy a bulb. You should have known why. (for those who don't get it, if asked, you answer her, “however, you are the light and the brightness of my life.", or “you light up my life”…)